For years, I have struggled to openly and spontaneously talk to people. I always thought, ‘there is something wrong with me’ or I am anti-social and so on. Most of my friends would say, “You are not an introvert, dude”, but I am and it is fine.
I found the courage to sell or get rid of everything that I have and move. My one big inspiration was and still is, my little sister, Skye. She is the total opposite of me. When she says, she is doing something, she does it. She makes friends so easily and says whatever is on her heart. Because of her strong personality, a lot of people would say she is rude or too forward, but at least you always know where you stand with her and I admire that.
I never sat down and tried to find the root of why I am so quiet and introverted and to be honest, I still don’t know exactly, but an hour-long Skype call with my little sister (by love, not blood) broke it down for me quite a bit.
Yes, I am introverted. That is okay. It is fine and it is part of my personality and I shouldn’t change that to conform to people’s expectations. I should embrace who I am because you cannot change who you are to please others. Too many people change themselves to please someone else, but what about you? I am sensitive and have a lot of empathy towards people, towards animals, towards anything and that is a wonderful trait to have. I believe in love, not this “on show” stuff that we see online, but true meaningful ‘till death do us part’ kind of love. I believe in equality for both man and woman, I believe animals should be loved and I believe that everyone deserves a second chance.
When I was a few years younger, people would say hurtful things about me and I would put on a brave face and take it, however, almost every night I went to bed, crying my eyes out. In traffic on the way to and from work, I would cry. When I took a shower, I would cry. I hated crying in front of people, simply because I realised that (some, not all) people thrive on your failures, to feel happier about themselves. A lot of those people are still in my life because I don’t want to accept the fact that they are 100% mean. A few years ago, I felt alone and relationships made it worse too. I met people who I know, truly cared for me, possibly loved too, but I was scared and pushed them away. I pushed them away. I was living an unhealthy lifestyle, internally. I had abandonment and trust issues and that is something that I had to work on, alone. No one knew this, except for me and because of my issues, more stories were spread about me. In my final year of school, I supposedly had two abortions. Was told that I would be a single mom by the age of nineteen, that I was childish and wouldn’t get too far in life.
All those hurtful remarks broke me inside, bit by bit and I would cry and try to prove people wrong. But that is exactly the problem! I shouldn’t be proving anything to anyone except for myself. I know who I am now, I know why I am the way I am. I walk around Rome or the school campus alone and it is not because I think I am superior, it is just who I am. I keep to myself and I am working on myself daily. I a pretty freaking proud of myself, too. Skye told me about the Four agreements to personal freedom by Don Miguel Ruiz and already, it has already helped me to feel more confident and at peace with myself. They are four small steps but they speak volumes and I am going to embrace it.
- Be impeccable with your word, speak with integrity. I am going to stop doubting myself and stop thinking that there is something wrong with me, but rather embrace who I am. Keep doing what I do and exude love, wherever I go. Forgive those who have hurt me and not dwell on the past.
- Don’t take anything personally. I don’t ever want to feel like a victim again. It is draining and tiring. Their words are a projection of who they are, not of who I am. Some people have their own internal problems and do not know how to cope with it, other than hurting others and that is okay. Never allow yourself to suffer under their tongue.
- Don’t make assumptions. Ask questions and express yourself, don’t ever think that you are not deserving because you are. Every person is. Like the famous proverb says, “To assume makes an ass of u and me.”
- Always do your best. Under any circumstance do your very best, whether you are feeling down and unmotivated. Your best could motivate someone else to do their best and so the chain will flow. With this you will stop judging yourself, abusing yourself and regretting the things you have accomplished. Whatever happened in your life, just let it go. Don’t hold onto it.
Thank you Skye, for believing in me and pushing me to become a greater person.